Harry Potter Resolution
by Flying Dragonite
Summary: What would happen if the characters in the books were actually sensible? A few quick conversations with reason in them, and the whole series is resolved in less than 1,810 Words! :D Enjoy


**A/N: So I got this idea from another author who did something similar for all the Warriors books. I was doing my chores and was thinking, what if I did this for Harry Potter? Thus emerged this short little one-shot fanfic. Hope you enjoy it!**

Harry Potter Resolved

Book 1: Philosopher's Stone (Sorcerer's Stone)

Dumbledore: We should leave Harry at his Aunt and Uncle's house. They are his only living family members.  
McGonagall: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! I've watched these muggles all day and they are the worst sort of people imaginable! Plus, it says in Lily's will that Harry should not, under any circumstances, go to her sister, because her sister would take it out on Harry.  
Dumbledore: Oh. Quite right, Minerva. I don't know what I was thinking. Who should Harry go to then?  
McGonagall: Well, isn't Sirius Black his Godfather?  
Dumbledore: Oh, that's right!

Later

Dumbledore: Sirius Black betrayed the Potters! And he killed Peter Pettigrew! Where will Harry go now?  
McGonagall: I can't believe it. I refuse to believe it. Hey, didn't you cast the Fidelius Charm?  
Dumbledore: Yeah, what's your point?  
McGonagall: Then you set up the Secret Keeper. Who was it?  
Dumbledore: … It was supposed to be Sirius… but then he changed it to Peter, because he thought Voldemort wouldn't think to go after Peter…. Oh, that means he didn't betray the Potters! And even if he did kill Peter, which I now think is unlikely, Peter deserved it!  
McGonagall: There, thinking straight feels good, doesn't it?  
Dumbledore: …. Shut up.  
McGonagall: *snickers* meow.

Even Later –Right before Harry starts school

Dumbledore: I think Voldemort is not dead!  
McGonagall: You've been saying that for years, you crazy old man.  
Dumbledore: Hey! …I think he's back in Britain, though.  
McGonagall: ….OK. What is your point? I mean, that isn't good, but why are you bringing up?  
Dumbledore: I think he'll be after Nick's Philosopher's Stone. (Sorcerer's Stone)  
McGonagall: That's not good. Think of what would happen if You-know-who got his hands on a Philosopher's Stone.  
Dumbledore: Exactly! We should hide it inside Hogwarts.  
McGonagall: You crazy old man!  
Dumbledore: What?  
McGonagall: *Rolls eyes* idiot. Put that brilliant brain to use for once. What happens when You-Know-Who finds out it's at Hogwarts?  
Dumbledore: ….He'll come here, of course.  
McGonagall: In a school full of children! And Harry Potter is coming to Hogwarts this year, didn't you remember? You want to expose him to _that_ his first year? He won't want to come back!  
Dumbledore: Oh, right. I'll warn Nick, and tell him to put really strong wards in place. In fact, I'll help him myself. I know how Voldemort's mind works.  
McGonagall: Finally you see sense.  
Dumbledore: I am not going to respond to your immature childish remarks with more.  
McGonagall: *Sigh*

Chamber of Secrets

Dumbledore: Not again! I just can't deal with the Chamber of Secrets _again_! We didn't even catch Voldemort in the act last time! He ended up blaming it on Hagrid instead and the ministry fell for it!  
McGonagall: Instead of getting all upset and worried about stuff that happened 50 years ago, why don't you concentrate on catching the culprit this time? It can't be You-Know-Who, right?  
Dumbledore: No, it definitely _has_ to be Voldemort. I just cannot figure out how he's doing it. Perhaps possession of a student?  
McGonagall: That seems reasonable to assume, seeing as how You-Know-Who is well-known for his manipulations and way of getting into people's heads. Why don't you check all the students' minds for traces of possession?  
Dumbledore: Great idea! I knew making you my Deputy was a good idea when I appointed you.  
McGonagall: Thank you, Headmaster. Maybe you are not such an infuriating, crazy old man as I thought.  
Dumbledore: Really? *smiles, then smile fades* …wait, what? HEY!  
McGonagall: *laughs and walks away*

Prisoner of Azkaban

*The problem of Sirius Black is resolved in first book*

Dumbledore: I should hire Remus Lupin as a professor!  
McGonagall: A werewolf that could potentially forget his potion and wreak havoc among our students? I don't think so. Try again.  
Dumbledore: I know, Sirius Black!  
McGonagall: …Ex-Convict –for a short time- and Ex-Auror, and not to mention a notorious prankster? No thanks. Try again.  
Dumbledore: Who else is there?  
McGonagall: …. How about the actually qualified retired Auror and private Defense teacher, Mr. Lueur**?  
Dumbledore: Oh, ok.

**-Lueur means glow, light, gleam, glimmer, ray, or glint in French-**

Goblet of Fire

Dumbledore: Let's resurrect the very old and dangerous tradition of the Triwizard Tournament!  
McGonagall: Absolutely not.  
Dumbledore: You're such a fun-hater!  
McGonagall: Fun-hater I may be, but it's to keep the kids here _safe_.  
Dumbledore: …..meanie.  
McGonagall: *sigh*

Later

Dumbledore: You'll never guess what Harry Potter just came to tell me, Minerva!  
McGonagall: Oh, please don't come up with a crazy idea again…  
Dumbledore: I am ignoring your childish whinging. Voldemort is back!  
McGonagall: *dramatic gasp* What?! I thought you were protecting the boy, not throwing him into You-Know-Who's way, Albus!  
Dumbledore: What? Oh, no, he wasn't _there_! He saw it in a dream.  
McGonagall: … in a dream.  
Dumbledore: …wrong words. In a _vision_. Harry was seeing out of Voldemort's eyes. We have to resurrect the Order of the Phoenix, to combat the rise of the Dark!  
McGonagall: … For once you are making sense. But I must insist that you train Harry in the use of Occlumency yourself. No one else has the skill or power to do so. You also must tell him about that prophecy, before it is too late and someone else has died for that thrice-damned prediction of that old fraud!  
Dumbledore: …And I thought your tongue was sharp enough when it was directed at _me_.  
McGonagall: *Sweatdrop* Is that really all you got from my statement?  
Dumbledore: Oh no, no, I understood. Still, you take all the fun in my life away from me, Minerva!  
McGonagall: Be grateful I don't make you get rid of your damned lemon drops.  
Dumbledore: NOT MY LEMON DROPS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO –_We have interrupted this transmission due to technical difficulties_- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO!

Order of the Phoenix

Dumbledore: Now, Harry, I have some very important things I have to speak with you about.  
Harry: Yes, Professor?  
Dumbledore: As you know, Voldemort has risen again. He will most assuredly come after you, to finish what he started fourteen years ago. Now, I have never revealed to you why he came after your family before because I believed that you were too young. But now, with the rising threat of the Dark, I must concede with Sirius' and Professor McGonagall's feelings.  
Harry: So you'll tell me why, then, sir?  
Dumbledore: *solemnly* Yes. Voldemort tried to murder you that night because of a prophecy. One of his Death Eaters –I will not name names- overheard part of the prophecy and reported it to Voldemort, who then took action. He believed that you were the prophesized child, and believed that the only way to negate the prophecy was to kill you before you were able to act upon the prophecy. In his folly, he did as many tyrants do: he created his own worst enemy. He failed to kill you, marked you with that scar, and handed you the abilities and weapons you need to vanquish him.  
Harry: Why should I be the one to defeat him, sir? I already defeated him once –as a child, no less! I get the feeling that both of us will end up dying. Why can't I just ignore the prophecy and have a normal life, while you, the Light Lord, defeats Voldemort? I'm sure you have the strength and the power. Everyone says you're the greatest wizard in the world, sir. You defeated Grindewald, too! Compared to you, I'm just a little boy. I'm… I'm just Harry, sir.  
Dumbledore: Spoken like a true Slytherin. Very well, Harry. I will not force you to fight a war you do not wish to fight.

Half-Blood Prince

Voldemort: *chokes on a too-large lemon drop and dies* -Oh wait, that's Dumbledore, in a different story!-  
Voldemort (let's try again, shall we?): I need to destroy Harry Potter!  
Bellatrix: But, My Lord, he is a Slytherin, and has expressed no desire to fight in the war at all! In fact, he and my cousin, his godfather, are strictly neutral wizards. If we follow the rules of the Old Magicks, we cannot attack neutrals without invoking the rage of Magick herself! Even your great power cannot stand against the source of all wizards' power!  
Voldemort: Oh, I guess you're right, Bella, dearest. I do get carried away sometimes, don't I?  
Bellatrix: Sometimes, My Lord.

Later

Dumbledore: It was foolish of you to come here tonight, Tom.  
Voldemort: Stop calling me by that name! I am not Tom Riddle! I shed that name and face long ago. It is not even my legal name, old Dumbles!  
Dumbledore: But alas, I will always remember you as the poor boy I found in the orphanage long ago, starved for attention from anyone.  
Voldemort: *Snarls* Yes, and you were able to manipulate me so well, weren't you, you foolish old man! Until I realized what you were doing; emotional blackmail, that was! You're lucky I didn't have enough political standing at that time, or I would have dragged your name through the mud and would've left you scrabbling at the wind for scraps of your money and fame!  
Dumbledore: Always the dramatic one, son.  
Voldemort: I am _not_ your son! You gave up your right to call yourself my father when you abandoned me at that horrid muggle dwelling!  
Dumbledore: I made mistakes, Tom, I admit it. But does the whole world have to burn for the mistakes of one wizard?  
Voldemort: I will be satisfied with your death, old man!  
Dumbledore: Then I will not hold it against you, Tom. *lowers his wand* Take my life, son. I deserve it not.  
Voldemort: *suspicious* what is this rubbish?  
Dumbledore: *eyes shining with tears* this, my son, is love.  
Voldemort: *sneering* Take your love with you, Dumbles. _Avada Kedavra_!

_Dumbledore dies. Voldemort is suddenly struck by the implications of what he has done. He killed his own father, who, for all his faults, had been the only one to ever treat him with any measure of kindness. In despair, sick of life, he kills himself, his horcruxes being null and void since it was he who took his own life. Harry Potter remains a powerful, Neutral wizard all his life, with his prankster of a Godfather as his guardian and friend. Life is good._

**A/N: So what did you think? Some cliché in there, some interesting tidbits that came from my sick and twisted mind… ^^ Hope you enjoyed!  
Leave a review, or Grey Harry will be really sad.**


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